The Choice of a Minister's Wife (ZT Fomum)
For marriage, settle for the girl of God’s giving. The girl a man wants at 20,30,40;50 is all very different. At 20 he is insecure and needs just to know that he is loved.
Later on he wants someone to stand with him in the accomplishment of the goal of his life. Only God can choose the woman for this changing man.
Get to God for marriage. Tell God, “I do not know what I will become, so I do not know what woman I need. God, You know. I cannot chose now.” The person you chose could be good for now, but wrong later in the future. God knows the one who will fit in your changing life. You will realise that some women never really change.
You can desire the wrong woman. Ask God to change your wayward desire so that you should desire God’s desires. So that you should have what God knows to be the right desire. Ask God for the right kind of desires.
Desires are important. If you desire the wrong person, you go wrong. May God help you to overthrow your own desires, enter into God’s desires and then ask Him to fulfil them.
Write down your own criteria for a wife. Renounce to them, and wait on God for what he wants for you.
Do not pray for anything that is nebulous. Do not pray for what is not a real burden . If you do, it will weaken your prayer life. Be selective so that your prayer life is war all the time. Don’t pray even for the salvation of specific persons without burden. Better said – first ask for burden. You may not have a real burden. Pray that God may give you a real burden.
I want to charge you – ask God to put a burden in your heart. Then pray out of burden. In that case you will not need encouragement. The time will not be long. Burdened persons find the time too short.
Have your vision focused on answers, not on the clock – on how much your have spent praying. Yet press on to pray more and more.
The whole universe is governed by prayer. The father has chosen that he will not do many things until we pray. James 4:2 “ You want some thing but you don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have,because you do not ask God.” This is a big statement.
You do not possess a thing because you have not asked God. Lord reveal to us that we do not have because we have not asked . Father write it on our hearts that the only reason why we do not have is that we have not asked You.
You have because you asked from God. Now ask something serious from God. Ask for more serious things. Write them down – pray for them till God has answered.
When I finished my degree in Sierra Leone, sister Prisca still had a year to go . Everyone argued that because of her I should stay and do the doctorate there. When it got into my heart that I should go, I went. If I had stayed, this work would never have been born. They only person who agreed that I should go was Doctor Gwan.
I dis-advice a long courtship. A courtship begins to direct lots of things. I did not know this until the missionary era came. The danger of long engagements is that you may see someone else. Contact brings touches and re-evaluations. Give enough time.
Generally speaking, women are more open. Men are caught up with their importance. Do not give your word until you know where you are going to. God could call you today so that you go tomorrow. If you are already hooked to an unready woman you are in trouble.
Keep your heart. Do not wake up love before the time. Keep your head on your shoulders. Better, let the choice be the work of your disciple maker. If you tell him of an interest, he may tell you to wait. If you fear someone will go ahead of you, then you are not sure that God meant her for you. It is the school of life.
Finally, everything will depend on whom you chose for your partner. Menye, I think, is among the best three of our missionaries. When I get to Ivory Coast, where he is, it is as though I am home. Part of the success is 40% due to his wife. She is a tremendous secret to his success.
They have gotten the work into 12 departments. She is the head of 5. We received the third gift of 1.300.000 from them yesterday. They have trained their own national missionaries. We sent them allowance only for one and a half years.
If your wife is a spectator, then you will have to do everything. If she is too heavy then you may not move. I owe her a lot. In the beginning, back home, Brother Menye was turning around. She got him to be committed. In Ivory Coast, Brother told the brethren that he wanted to build a church like the one in Yaounde.
If your wife is a co- worker, then you are a massive personality. Otherwise, you are worth less than one person.
Whom you chose is determinant. It can even determine where you are sent.